# Enjoy



## vic46 (Oct 20, 2006)

Man's best friend

"Dogs Welcome"

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned
to visit on his vacation.


He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"




An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:

"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time,

I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off
the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for
being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a 
hotel bill.


Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."


Frank Feldman


A man walks out of his NY apartment and manages to get a taxi 
just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.

You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - 
all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, 
things happened like
that to
Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He 
could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the 
pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway 
star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He 
Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, 
which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything.

Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out.

But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and 
avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in 
them. But Frank, he never made a mistake."

Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And, he really knew how to treat a woman and make her 
feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in 
the wrong; and
his
clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he 
was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could 
ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his ******* widow."


And they say French is difficult
The Absurdity of English


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be
called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can
make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
So if Father is Pop,
how come Mother isn't Mop
And if Mum is Mummy, then Daddy must be Dummy!!


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## epicfish (Sep 11, 2006)

Haha. A few good laughs in there. Thanks.


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## duchessren (Sep 16, 2006)

Very enjoyable! Thanks.


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## Jane in Upton (Aug 10, 2005)

I've got to forward the English language bit to several friends!


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